An important aspect to Life Coaching is listening. There are different ways to listen. Normal listening (which I call spectator or habitual listening) gives the appearance of listening but isn’t true listening. Instead we are waiting for the other to finish so we can say what we want to say. When one listens as a Spectator one separates oneself from the game of life, creating isolation and otherness. Seeing the world in this way creates a shortage of understanding and compassion, sorely needed in the world today.
Another type of listening is Generative Listening. Generative listening values the relationship as sacred and is based on being fully present for the other. It requires coming into the conversation with nothing and full awareness. As you notice thoughts and feelings arise in you, release them and return your focus to the other person. Notice when you are trying to formulate a response or offer advice and let it go. It’s a process of constantly letting go of the impulse to put words to your thoughts and return to offering presence to the other.
When we do this we are replacing habitual Spectator listening with intentional presence. As a Generative Listener we are actively and intentionally attentive to what is important and meaningful for the other person. This deep listening is a gift to the speaker in that they experience being deeply heard and understood. It also offers them the space to find the truth within themselves.
I’ve created the following list of Spectator listening habits in an effort to enhance awareness of these tendencies. Do any of these resonate with you?
Analyzing
Fixing
Controlling
Comparing
Judging
Blaming
Labeling
Obeying
Assuming
Deserving
Comparing
Being right
Changing subject
Agreeing
Disagreeing
Playing the Victim or Villain
Complete speaker’s thought
I hope you find this helpful and I’d love to hear what’s alive in you having read this!
Michael
